Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
