do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
