I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
