it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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