this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm passing your future prison.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
