Do you still have your period?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
