it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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