hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
