I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
