Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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