i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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