I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
