Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
FUCK WHALES
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
