Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
