Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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