She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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