I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
