my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
