I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
