why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
