I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Text me some of your sweat
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
