I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
