paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
