College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
