I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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