I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
