On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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