all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
