on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
