Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
