3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
