just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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