I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
