just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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