He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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