i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
