he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
