Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
