I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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