it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
