he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
