it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
