Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
