the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
