Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
