someone get that fucking seahorse.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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