I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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