What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
