upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
nutella sex= disaster
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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