Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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