mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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