then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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